Unsociable

I'm sorry to all those people who have ever invited me to something and been refused my presence. Although I am less sociable than all of you, I am not unsociable. I know it's got to the point where you've stopped inviting me to things, but I don't like it either, okay?

 

Just for once can something not be my fault?

Merry Christmas!

Sorry for not responding to your texts, everyone, but this is cheaper =D

 

Merry Christmas!

Port Fairy part 2

Here are the other photos that wouldn't fit in the first post.

 

1. Port Fairy beach. One of them anyway =D

2. The Bay of Islands, The Great Ocean Road.

Port Fairy

So on the off chance at least one of you is wondering where I've been for the last few days, my family and I have been on a holiday to Port Fairy. The only way to describe it is to call it an...experience =D.

 

Port Fairy is beautiful, although 592km away (7 hours in the car) is just a little bit too far =P. It was weird being there in a way though, because the last time I'd been there was exactly ten years ago to the very week, when we weren't even living in Australia and were just on holiday =D.

 

So the holiday was great, but there were certain events that made it standout. Like having $25 fish and chips, (way too expensive!) walking on an amazing beach, seeing 35 koalas on a small stretch of road and watching tourists block the road with their cars while they took pictures, driving ages up a road and paying $45 to see what we thought was the lighthouse from Round the Twist but in the end just wasn't (we have been to the actual lighthouse before though), passing a pine plantation so big it stretched further than we could see to either side and took us half an hour to get past even at 110km/h, and accidentally reprogramming the sat-nav lady to tell us detours on our route =D.

 

Driving on the Great Ocean Road + Dire Straits = HEAVEN. We drove along this road for a few hours to Apollo Bay (another place we stayed ten years ago) to recreate a picture we took on our first visit there. The Great Ocean Road should really be renamed The Great Road though, because as well as going alongside the ocean it also took us through a rainforest and over some hills =D.

 

But the real fun began when we decided to drive two hours to Halls Gap in the Grampians. Mum and Dad stayed there a few years ago and it's home to a wicked mini-golf course. We had to play on it, so we went to visit. Upon entering the Grampians, however, and still about half an hour from Halls Gap, we were met with an unpleasant surprise. Scroll to the bottom of this post to see what it was. (sorry about the bad editing)

 

Yup. A plague. Grasshoppers everywhere. That photo was taken once we arrived at Halls Gap, where you couldn't see the floor because of all the grasshoppers. There must have been millions, because they were on every surface available (including us) as well as flying through the air. So no mini-golf, but Dad and I did have to spend ten minutes cleaning out the car's vents so that we wouldn't overheat on the way home. And then we had to do it again once we'd got out of the Grampians. Even after thoroughly cleaning the car back at Port Fairy, we found grasshoppers in the garage the next morning. There's still some inside the wheels =D.

 

So, a pretty rare occasion, right? Wrong. There was a grasshopper plague at Tailem Bend today too, although not anywhere near as bad. So we've got to clean the car again =D. We ended up playing mini golf at Port Fairy, which was still pretty good =P.

 

Driving nearly 2000km in five days has taken its toll though, so rant over =D. Below are some pictures - hopefully they attach in the order that I list them here so that I don't look like an idiot.

 

1. The Bay of Port Fairy, as seen from the top of Griffiths Island. 

2. Our car after 30 minutes of intense grasshopper attack. We're unlucky in that we can't think of a single car that has a larger grille than ours =P

Argh...

Most painful experience in history = trying to order formal photos from Event Photographers' website. Still not convinced it actually worked, it cost over a hundred dollars, and it didn't accept my $12 voucher.

 

ANNOYING

Fear

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself /

No thing, no failure, no fatal tragedy"

 

I wish I was as brave as Neil Peart, Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee when they penned these lyrics. I'm scared of everything, and this week is even worse. There's so many bad things that could happen while you're away without me that'll probably happen just because it's me and I suck. Even though I went against my opinions and values to make you happy by telling you to get drunk and have fun and enjoy yourself, I still think of P-plater car crashes, budding alcohol addictions, you cheating on me or you dumping me when you get back because you've realised that I'm no fun compared with them.

 

Fear hurts.

Realisation

Arriving late to XS on Friday night, Lauren and I had to take seats at the back, behind that unruly mob of kids that completely bemuse me - they are not there for the service, for they talk all the way through it, but if they're just there to socialise, why not somewhere else? Somewhere less religious?

 

Anyway, during a song I looked round at Lauren and realisation hit me - somehow, I have reached the point of being 17, with a mature 17-year-old girlfiend. We are so much more grown-up than the kids that were in front of us. And let me tell you, my mature 17-year-old girlfriend not only looked mature and 17, she looked beautiful. And I really mean beautiful :)

Brilliant!

I have just discovered something brilliant - within the setup pages for my blog there is a tab called Stats, which tells me all about traffic on my page, where it's coming from, and the number of page views I have. And let me tell you, it's very encouraging and definitely overcomes the small number of comments that I get, and indeed the small number of page views that the visitors counter on the right hand side of this page produces.

There's people from all over the world that have visited this page, mostly by accident by way of Google, but nevertheless, I have somewhere closer to 800 page views! It makes me feel better, at least until you all try it out (if you ever actually can be bothered reading this post) and get far better numbers. But still, I maintain that it's brilliant!

Hilarious!

Check out this article - it's brilliant!

http://www.topgear.com/uk/photos/stig-farm-more-pictures-2010-11-05?imageNo=0

Really Useful Gifts

I just bought a goat :)

Guess the teacher

I love The West Wing. It's the only show that combines politics with turkeys =D

Letters to people

I just need to get all this off my chest :)

 

Dear M: You are the best friend I could ever ask for. You have the same sense of humour as me, and you can always make me smile. You're going to reach fantastic+1 status in style. Whoever she is, your girl will be very lucky.

 

Dear E: Sometimes, you can be really tactless, but nobody cares cause your heart's in the right place for the majority of the time. You're a wonderful person, but you just need to admit that David Tennant is sexier than Matt Smith. I'm sorry =D

 

Dear N: I love you. Don't leave me, especially not for him.

 

Dear H and Y: You guys are way too hard on yourselves. You're awesome people and I'm so glad that you're around and friends with me.

 

Dear M#2: I still haven't forgotten.

 

Dear R: I really don't like you. I hate the way that you can make her ignore me completely for as long as you choose to flirt with her. If I didn't hate you, I'd respect your pulling power. But I do hate you, so f*** off.

 

Dear A: We've been friends forever and I'm still not tired of you. Keep up the good work :)

 

Dear I: I miss you. You need to marry a doctor so that you'll stay well enough for us all to see you =P

 

Dear N#2: YOU SANG!

 

Dear R#2: I don't know why you're ignoring me, but I hope you're okay.

For boys and girls who want a TRUCK...

...OH YES.

 

NOT THERE JOHNNY NOT THERE!   

Look at your man, now back to me...

I might have skinny little arms, but I'm still a man. I'm still strong. Last year I moved 1 tonne of red gum firewood in a day, then chopped it all over the course of the winter. Today, I've shovelled and distributed 1 and a half tonnes of mulch for all our garden beds over the course of five hours. I feel stronger than I look.

 

Besides, I can literally sweep Muffy off her feet and carry her away, and we weigh the same. That has to count for something.

Sorry teachers - haven't quite got round to that holiday revision yet.

The Thing I Hate the Most

Leggings. Now don't get me wrong, I love the idea of skin-tight pants (Muffy'll testify to that ;-D), but I have one major problem with them - they're all worn by girls under the age of twelve.

 

This is just wrong. Leggings, when worn in public and not for use in dancing or equivalent athletic pursuits, are by nature slutty. Girls under the age of twelve or thirteen should not be slutty.

 

This is worsened by their common-ness. At Tournament of Minds today, literally EVERY (and I'm not exaggerating) primary school-age girl was wearing skin-tight leggings. I even saw a six or seven-year old that I used to look after in the Kindyzone program at my church wearing them. It's just wrong.

 

So parents, please, stop over-sexualising your young daughters. They're supposed to want to be fairies and princesses, not hookers or particular APHS students.

 

Leave the leggings to teenagers who have curves, and choose to look slutty simply because they are sluts. Even better, let's ban them completely, and reserve them only for Muffy, who has the most perfect ass ever ;-D

Courage

To all those people who went down the front to sprinkle wood chips on the totem pole-cum-cross at XS tonight, well done. You're braver than I am.

The World Is Amazing

Who else (in Adelaide) thinks that this afternoon's weather was absolutely perfect? It made me realise what a beautiful world we live in :).

 

P.s. Just trying to set a lighter mood than some of the other recent posts in the blogosphere. No offence to those of you who've been writing them - I've done plenty too :)

 

Enjoy your day!

The Epitome of Scum

You know your school is scum when you find a peroxide-blonde hair extension lying trampled on the ground =P

Secret Britain

Just watched the first episode of a show called Secret Britain, which explores some of the lesser-known beauty spots of England. BIG mistake.

 

Feeling VERY homesick...

Email Posting

Hi to everyone who reads my blog - today I have been lucky enough to be able to actually access my blog on my computer, so I have attempted to find and follow the blogs of all of you who have joined since Closer to the Heart's resurrection. I've even got rid of all my spam! I think.... =D

 

Seeing as I can't read your blogs anymore, I'd really appreciate it if those of you who have my email address could mark me down for email posting. Once you're signed into blogger, go to your dashboard, and click on settings. Then, click the email & mobile tab, and enter my email address in the BlogSend Address box at the top of the page. That way I can read all your posts again! :)

 

Cheers

Awkward

I apologise to anyone who read the title and thought that this blog was going to contain an embarrassing story or a "shut down" moment, because in actual fact it's about my feelings. Cue moaning =D. I just felt that I had to express that in social situations, such as the small group I attened tonight, I am an incredibly awkward and socially inadept person.

 

I don't know quite why. I don't even know how. I'm just that person who doesn't talk unless asked a question, and at small group I'm always the one on the outside of any conversation. The people at small group are different to me. More popular and sociable.

 

I'm like a LEGO brick discovered among a box of jigsaw pieces. I just don't fit, in more than one way. Unfortunately, if anyone still reads this blog, it's up to you to piece the puzzle together and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

 

Because I'm beginning to think that I might be one of the edge pieces, on the outside, forever. And just a little bit square.

Falling is so much more painful when you're used to flying.

Sorprendido

Life has a habit of jumping out at you and surprising you, even when you've been in the same routine for two terms and a week now.

 

Having just come out of the shower and gotten dressed, my mum comes into my bedroom to tell me to come with her to see something. I was expecting my puppy doing something silly, or birds making a nest in the tree outside the kitchen window or something equivalent, but what I got instead was a short man with white hair and a cropped beard standing in the hallway. It took me a few seconds as I shook his gloved hand to realise that he must be Bill, my sister's bus driver. My dad had seen him during the week and had been talking to him about cars, and Bill suggested that we go to his house to see his collection. What I wasn't expecting was for him to turn up at my place at 9 am on a Sunday morning, while everyone but me was in their pyjamas and dad was at church.

 

At the bottom of the driveway was a British racing green Triumph Stag convertible. He asked if I wanted a look, and while I was, he asked if I had my P's. Having to respond that no, I didn't even have my L's, made me want to cry. Instead, I sat in the passenger seat, and we decided to scare mum by setting off loudly in the V8. We drove around the block, talking about the car over the noise of the wind and the rumble of the engine, and we even impressed a P plater sitting smoking in his Commodore as we headed back to my house. It was great, and when he suggested that I get my dad to buy me one for $14,000, I smiled and wished he would.

 

It was such a surprise, but it has already become the highlight of my day, and it amazes me how easily I could talk to this man that I'd only just met about something we both have a passion for. It seems funny that strangers can understand us so well.

 

I think I'm mostly writing this out of elation, and to make some of you jealous, but either way, Christmas has come early.

HRBWRXYZD!

I am sad to announce the demise of KTPM's work appearing here on my blog. But this is because of the launch of HRBWRXYZD, the new home of all things KTPM and BMF. From now on, all our funnies will be appearing there. So head on over to http://katethepotatoman.blogspot.com , and let everyone else know too!

 

BMF

The new face of Closer to the Heart

Seeing as my mind is totally devoid of deep, pensive thoughts, and I never seem to blog anymore, I have decided to turn this blog into a shrine of all the funny things KTPM and I come up with in our lessons, until I can think of something more serious to post. Yes, Louise, this is somewhat inspired by the slideshow I saw on your Apple yesterday! =D It is also because Lauren suggested that KTPM and I have our own site, but seeing as neither of us knows how to pull that off, this is our site :P

 

Here is item one of the shrine, drawn up by KTPM in one of our recent lessons:

Free lessons are for...

...drawing pictures of a giant building with only one tiny door and one window way up on one of the higher floors, with the word HRBWRXYZD written across it in big letters, and lots of stick figures standing looking at it with question marks above their heads.

 

Gotta love KTPM

There is nothing in the world more awesome than this!

I hope the picture shows up so you can be blown off your computer chair by its awesomeness =P

It is in fact a ninja playing guitar in front of a giant ninja statue - it doesn't come any better than this!

Having been informed that it is over a month since my last post, and then instructed to write something, I am attempting to think of something to write. It used to come so easily, but now there's no fluency in my mind.

 

Some days, like yesterday, there is nothing inside my head at all, and I run on auto-pilot. Other days, like today, I'm so crammed full of everything that if and when I explode I'll cause the creation of another universe.

 

There are so many feelings that I have that I can't and won't write here. I am angry at my inability to express myself, and my ability to do everything wrong. I am also everyone's doormat, according to one wise source.

 

One feeling I can write about is disappointment. I am not feeling it, but I cause it everywhere I go. I am just not good enough for anyone. Muffy says she loves me, but it's hard to see how when she blitzes me at everything and gets upset when she over-reacts over something and I tell her to grow up, in so many words. I am a bad person for that.

 

Before you even consider writing a cheerful, optimistic reply, forget it. I don't want to hear it; it doesn't make me feel better, only worse. Keeping quiet will do me good, just like I did you all good without you knowing it when I decided to refuse to tell you about my emotions earlier in this post. I clam up because you are all more important than me, and deep down you don't want to hear about my feelings anyway. Your own problems are each so big that they fill up the year 12 common room, whereas mine are so small and insignificant yet titanic that all I am allowed to do is curl up in a ball and clam up. You don't care about my life, no matter how much you say you do, because to you, you are more important. Like I said before, don't even think about replying with a "We love you Ben" message, cause I don't want to hear it.

 

So unlike many of you, I do not write this blog as an explosion of emotion, but rather as a reason to have a vacuum of secrecy absorb me. I am expected to be the strong one who takes care of you all, admittedly all in different ways, but nevertheless it's true, and don't deny it. For that reason, I am a clam, and a doormat, and possibly a black hole as well.

 

Some worthy points of note are that when I say "you", I mean you as a group of readers, not anyone in particular. Also, this is not a suicidal message or anything, just a failed attempt at an explanation of why I feel bad but cannot tell you why, and why whatever you say will only make it worse.

 

I'm not sure it will get better. I'm a doormat by nature, and sometimes I think God treats me that way too. I mean, I hear often that everything in life has a reason, and that tests set by God are for the good, but when I look at some aspects of my life I don't see any way in which it can help me grow. Take today's Justice lesson for example. I was already having a sucky day, and I'd just seen how good Muffy's presentation was. So imagine my wondrous sense of happiness when I find out that mine pales in comparison to everyone else's, is half as long, has no references, and doesn't answer the question. And I have no cue cards. Not to mention two other people had done the exact same question, and done it better. Out of the nine people presenting, I was ninth even before I had to wait through the first six for my turn. How is that meant to benefit me? It only brings me down, and in particular, makes me guilty for my failures and my crimes.

 

Everything I do is just wrong, something that cannot be denied because each thing is wrong in a different way. You are also so lucky because I let myself be wronged far too much. I won't give you any examples involving you, but one example is my brother getting "first dibs" on, and spending a subsequent 5 hours in the last two days on, my $120 PS3 game that I bought with my own money and haven't been able to play for the past eight weeks. He does this with all my games, and in your own way each of you exploits me a little, just like I do to you. But you say no when I go too far with something, or point out when I'm exploiting you. I can't do that, and so you are all getting away with it, and I am filling up with sadness.

 

I am so filled with crap, and it hurts because I can't talk to anyone about it, partly because it wouldn't do any of you any good, and partly because I'm a coward.

 

Even after all of that I still haven't explained myself properly, and I know that come tonight when you see me at XS and ask what's up that you've been missing, I'll know that you'll have missed the point and I'll still be as misunderstood as ever.

Awesomeness in music form

Gotta love Rush. I can't think of any other 1970's prog-rock band who'd even think about using lyrics like "The hypocrites are slandering the sacred halls of truth".

 

They're epic.

I'm so lucky

My girlfriend is the most beautiful girl ever.

Walking in the Shadow of the Blues

We got our Legal Studies Case Reports back today. I didn't even look at mine.

 

Our school uniform is blue.

Thing Without An Interesting Name

In a desperate attempt to make myself cooler in a world which does not understand weird outcasts who don't have anything made by Apple, don't have MyFace and don't go out socialising, I have come up with a cunning plan.

 

I am going to list all the albums I have (none of which are downloaded by the way - I do this old-fashioned thing where I pay for my CD's), and then all of you are going to comment back telling me how many of those you possess too. I get a point for each one. The more points I get, the cooler I am. (This is based upon the theory that nobody listens to more than a few albums of what I have because I have a weird non-modern taste in music)

 

So here goes:

 

100 Popular Classics

Alan Parsons Project - Eye in the Sky, Vulture Culture

Brassed Off! Soundtrack

Casting Crowns - Until the Whole World Hears

Deep Purple - Burn, Made in Japan

Delirious? - Now is the Time:Live at Willow Creek

Dire Straits - Alchemy, On the Night

Gareth Gates - What My Heart Wants to Say

Gary Moore - Corridors of Power, Gary Moore, Rockin' Every Night, White Knuckles

Hillsong United - In a Valley by the Sea, United We Stand

Humble Pie - Back on Track

Iron Maiden - Live After Death

Jon Lord - Beyond the Notes

Josh Wilson - Life Is Not a Snapshot, Trying to Fit the Ocean in a Cup

Les Miserables Soundtrack

Lynyrd Skynyrd - One More from the Road

Parachute Band - Technicolor

Passion - How Great Is Our God

Peter David Steer - Refresh

Pink Floyd - The Dark Side of the Moon

Planetshakers - My King, Praise Him

Queen - Greatest Hits vol.3, The Platinum Collection vol.1-3

Rainbow - Down to Earth, On Stage, Universal Masters Collection

Relient K - Five Score and Seven Years Ago

Reuben Morgan - Extravagant Worship

Robbie Williams - I've Been Expecting You, Life Thru a Lens

Rush - 2112, All the World's a Stage, Caress of Steel, Counterparts, Different Stages, Exit...Stage Left, A Farewell to Kings, Feedback, Fly by Night, Grace Under Pressure, Hemispheres, Moving Pictures, Permanent Waves, Presto, Roll the Bones, Rush, A Show of Hands, Signals, Snakes & Arrows, Test for Echo, Vapor Trails

Saxon - A Collection of Metal, Wheels of Steel/Strong Arm of the Law

Superchic[k] - Beauty from Pain, Regeneration

Switchfoot - The Beautiful Letdown, Hello Hurricane, Nothing Is Sound, Oh! Gravity

Thin Lizzy - Live and Dangerous

Third Day - Chronology vol.1, Chronology vol.2, Live Wire, Offerings, Offerings II, Wherever You Are

UFO - Strangers in the Night

VeggieTales - VeggieRocks!

Whitesnake - Come an' Get It, Live...In the Heart of the City, Slip of the Tongue

ZZ Top - Live from Texas, Recycler

 

So there you have it. It took me half an hour to write that list, and apparently it'd take me 90.4 hours straight to listen to it all. That's three and a quarter days. Now before you brag about how that's nothing and your playlist rolls mine, remember that all of these are CDs that I've bought and put on my computer. I like to think it's impressive, even if nobody else knows who any of these bands are!

 

Red Sector A (cause that's the song that I'm listening to at the moment =D)

Standing outside my maths classroom before school this morning, I had the chance to observe people as they went by - my classroom's on the second level.

 

One particular group caught my eye - black hair with peroxide highlights (or the opposite), with orange powdery faces and egos the size of star systems. The scrags, as my wholesome, innocent friend Emily called them.

 

For fun I tried to put a poetic description to them. I reached the conclusion that they are like birds of prey, with their sharp aquiline noses, blank expressions and small faces. They claw at each other verbally, and squawk to each other about how he was in bed last night.

 

You get the picture. But this inevitably turned to philosophy. After all, it's the obvious topic one thinks of when contemplating these people. I began to wonder why they are what they are, and why I'm different, being what I am instead.

 

What separates us? What makes me different to them? What genes, relationships, mental processes, choices, make us different?

No man's land

I am caught in two minds. I am on second base, neither here nor there, on the fence, at the junction not knowing which way to go.

 

They say they want the best for me, but so far nothing has come of it. Sure, I'm well off, but emotionally I'm not stable and they cannot recognize the double edge of their words. For those of you doing Classical Studies or English, their words are the epitome of dramatic irony.

 

My brother today was telling me about a girl in his class who is state skipping champion. When I made a witty comment about her talent and prowess compared to other children her age (commenting on how they all sit around watching tv like my brother), he asked me in a sour tone what I was state champion of. He hit the nail on the head, and I was the nail. What was I the state champion of?

 

The answer that came to me was not surprising. It could be based on one of two things - that I'm cynical and emotional, or that my family really were inflicting emotional damage on me. My answer, you ask? I am the state champion of being ignored, being used, and being put down. If there was a song to describe me, it would be either Alan Parson's "Let's talk about me for a minute", or Ritchie Blackmore's "Mistreated", although in this life it's not my lover who's let me down, but my family.

 

But all this reaches a point. All of a sudden, a new factor has been introduced. My parents, in an effort to motivate me to work harder this year, have basically offered me a bribe. I know it's just sucking me in, but it's a good offer, and now I'm stuck on what to do. Do I do what they want because it benefits me? Or do I keep plodding along, the Walkman pack mule amongst smarter, cleverer, iRacehorses, out of spite?

 

I already know the answer. But it's not one I'm happy about. This is all gonna mess me up even more.

 

Trying to please my family is, in Josh Wilson's words, "like trying to fit the ocean in a cup." 

When did I become a teenager?

I hate liars. I hate hypocrites. I hate people who have standards and rules for everybody else, but not for themselves. I hate people studying counselling degrees who treat your life as an experiment, that extra step needed to finish the course.

 

Traps. Questions that will incriminate you whatever answer you give. Hidden pits in the ground you stand on, filled with the sharp stakes of expectation and disappointment. People who never pay attention to you, unless it's to tell you they want the best for you and that's why they pay so much attention to you. The words that come out of their mouths are just broken mathematical equations, meaningless, against all reason, lies. 2=1, 2=1.

 

At what point did things change? There was a time when these people were not my allied enemies, when life was not a struggle. Has that hormone finally clicked in me that makes me a teenager, angry with the world and against my family? Or is it real? Has something in my world changed to make others' flaws stand out more easily to me, and my own to everyone else? In my head? Or real? Is there even a difference?

 

Are my feelings, that confused mess of nouns, justifiable? Or am I underwater, unable to see things clearly, inhibiting my ability to respond correctly?

 

Is it their fault or mine?

 

There is always something present in your life that you enjoy - the small things that shouldn't matter, but actually provide small pleasure. Things like picking grass burrs out of your dog's long coat, or letting your dog off the lead for the first time, or fixing and rebuilding your classic, 16-year-old Scalextric track.

 

These things all somehow manage to be exciting, therapeutic or fun. People-watching is another small activity that does this. Sitting in a food court somewhere, watching people go by is amazingly entertaining and satisfying. There go the "cool" kids, doing their stupid walks in their unflattering clothes, pretending that everything is okay and they are supreme, when you know they have problems at home and are failing in school. There go the new couple, completely infatuated with each other. There goes the artistic extrovert person, with their brightly coloured, mismatching clothes, flamboyant hairstyle and crazy shoes. And so on.

 

But this extends to other places, like small group for example. There are the boys, athletic, clever and good-looking, who make you feel inferior. There are the popular girls, sociable, pretty and happy, who intimidate you not because you want them, but because you know that no matter how hard you try you'll never be good enough. There's your friends, who pay out your girlfriend blatantly in your face, not knowing that you are trying your very hardest to keep quiet and avoid an altercation.

 

It's not only in small group that people are easy to read. Some of your friends pretend they care, but clam up tight and ignore you when you try to help them. Some of them expect you to always be 100%, so you can deal with all their problems all the time. There might be an ex-girlfriend, who is still nice to you, but you both know behind the facade that it's because of you she turned to alcohol and had sex with all those guys, ensuring her depression and ruining her life. There might be people you don't know too well, but surprise you by going completely against the mould.

 

And then there's you yourself. What kind of person are you?

Emptiness

My head is empty. I have nothing to say. There aren't even the usual feelings that I can't put into words. There's just nothing.

 

It kinda sucks.

Just for once...

Just for once I wish I wasn't always the murder victim in people's dreams.

Just for once I wish I got what I wanted.

Just for once I wish I was spoilt.

Just for once I wish I could make the right decisions in my life.

Just for once I wish my puppy wasn't the only one happy to see me when I got home.

Just for once I wish I wasn't an outsider.

Just for once I wish I could have things that other people take for granted.

Just for once I wish I didn't have to deliberately lose all games and competitions to placate my siblings.

Just for once I wish I could be the person that everyone expects me to be.

Just for once I wish I was like I used to be - happy, without pessimism.

Just for once I wish I was as good at something as she is.

Just for once I wish that I didn't get classed as a geek.

Just for once I wish that nobody expects me to be smart - I'm not.

Just for once I wish I could get a better report than her.

Just for once I wish I could give my report or my school photos to my parents, and not have to leave them partially hidden somewhere when nobody's looking.

Just for once I wish I knew what I wanted.

Just for once I wish that I wasn't so timid.

Just for once I wish that I didn't get manipulated.

Just for once I wish I could be her other half and not feel insignificant.

Just for once I wish that wishes could be granted. 

Aggravation

People seem to believe that I'm a fairly calm person. There are not many things that annoy me. Spam is one of them.

 

因此，他妈的把我一个人离开。我不想看你的色情，所以要找到其他一些可怜的灵魂，以激怒，可能是一个谁不是采取和基督徒。找人绝望，而不是谁的人已经拥有一切，他们也更不能要求。迷路。我现在无法生气，所以我的博客独自离开。

 

P.S. Does anyone know how to report this?

How to convince a 6'4" ginger ninja that McDonald's is Spanish and was founded in the Middle Ages in just three easy steps:

1. Just tell him it is. He'll believe you.

2. Laugh about it later with any co-conspirators you may have.

3. Keep bringing it up to embarrass him. He'll deny it, but you know the truth.

Re: Me

Not all the time. And not to everyone.

Me.

Inadequate. Insignificant. Invisible.

 

順便說一下，停止發布廢話在我的博客和小便了。我不想看亞洲色情，我有一個女朋友，並不需要所有的垃圾得到踢像一些悲傷的人！因此，讓我們失去了體面的離開人啊！

The Life Game

Yesterday, I stumbled upon an idea for a game for bloggers to play, ironically while playing a game. I was playing Ferrari Challenge on PS3, and thought that I would be a much cooler person if I actually was a Ferrari race driver and not just some racing game geek =D.

 

But why stop at one game? Why not include all the games I've finished, and write a mock-wikipedia-biography thing? (Just a note for all you smart people who want to point out that it should be an autobiography because I'm writing it; who ever writes their own wikipedia page?

 

I thought this idea was kinda cool, even though you probably think I sound nerdy right now lol. But here I go (the games aren't in the order I've played/finished them, because it makes for a better story if they're mixed up):

 

Ben was born in England, and began his career playing for his local football (that's soccer to all you Australians and Americans) team, Bradford City. [FIFA 09] He left the team after a few seasons, and began racing tuned cars. He street raced illegally in a number of American cities, increasing in skill and reputation [NFS Underground, NFS Underground 2, NFS Carbon, Midnight Club 3, Midnight Club LA], until he became so notorious that the police issued a national warrant for his arrest, making him number one on their blacklist [NFS Most Wanted]. He escaped a national pursuit, and fled to Japan, where he began street racing again, but at legal events. [NFS ProStreet] This competition led him to Europe, and also back to America, where he raced under the alias of Ryan Cooper. From there, he drove in a series which converted street legal-cars into race-track ones, and won the championship in a Nissan GT-R racer. [NFS Shift]. He moved to Italy to join the factory-run Ferrari Challenge, and won all three championships, in Italy, Europe, and the USA respectively. With his prize money he bought a number of classic racing Ferraris, and entered them in other Ferrari Challenges throughout a number of seasons. [Ferrari Challenge Trofeo Pirelli] The Ferrari F1 Team then offered him a test driving seat, and from there he moved to McLaren F1, where he won the World Championship on his second attempt. [F1 2006] Two more followed in later years, and for the start of this season he has joined the new-coming team Lotus for a challege.

 

Or something like that lol. Nerdy hey? But if you like the idea, comment back with your video-game-cooler-than-life story. I can read your comments at least =D

Post hoc, ergo propter hoc

Feeling like an idiot now, for a number of reasons. Can't explain any of them properly, and nobody cares anyway. Even if they did, I'm not sure I want them to know.

 

When I returned to the blogosphere it was on the pretext of having interesting things occur to me that could only be said on a blog. I'm devoid of interesting things to say at the minute, and I have no idea why I'm blogging this. I'm sorry

How this is gonna work

After receiving my first emailed comment, I've just realised that I have no idea how to comment back. So maybe you could avoid asking me questions lol? At least I still get to read what you say :)

 

If I think of anything else to say later on, I'll be back

A Return (of sorts)

I'm back.

 

Sort of. I'm email blogging, and I have no idea how all this works, so be patient with me. If there's any of you left.

 

I realised today that there are some thoughts which appear in my head that I just can't say to people, no matter how intriguing they are. Blogs are the place to do that, I decided.

 

Port Adelaide is a strange place.

testing

testing. lauren is awesome!

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