When did I become a teenager?

I hate liars. I hate hypocrites. I hate people who have standards and rules for everybody else, but not for themselves. I hate people studying counselling degrees who treat your life as an experiment, that extra step needed to finish the course.

 

Traps. Questions that will incriminate you whatever answer you give. Hidden pits in the ground you stand on, filled with the sharp stakes of expectation and disappointment. People who never pay attention to you, unless it's to tell you they want the best for you and that's why they pay so much attention to you. The words that come out of their mouths are just broken mathematical equations, meaningless, against all reason, lies. 2=1, 2=1.

 

At what point did things change? There was a time when these people were not my allied enemies, when life was not a struggle. Has that hormone finally clicked in me that makes me a teenager, angry with the world and against my family? Or is it real? Has something in my world changed to make others' flaws stand out more easily to me, and my own to everyone else? In my head? Or real? Is there even a difference?

 

Are my feelings, that confused mess of nouns, justifiable? Or am I underwater, unable to see things clearly, inhibiting my ability to respond correctly?

 

Is it their fault or mine?

 

There is always something present in your life that you enjoy - the small things that shouldn't matter, but actually provide small pleasure. Things like picking grass burrs out of your dog's long coat, or letting your dog off the lead for the first time, or fixing and rebuilding your classic, 16-year-old Scalextric track.

 

These things all somehow manage to be exciting, therapeutic or fun. People-watching is another small activity that does this. Sitting in a food court somewhere, watching people go by is amazingly entertaining and satisfying. There go the "cool" kids, doing their stupid walks in their unflattering clothes, pretending that everything is okay and they are supreme, when you know they have problems at home and are failing in school. There go the new couple, completely infatuated with each other. There goes the artistic extrovert person, with their brightly coloured, mismatching clothes, flamboyant hairstyle and crazy shoes. And so on.

 

But this extends to other places, like small group for example. There are the boys, athletic, clever and good-looking, who make you feel inferior. There are the popular girls, sociable, pretty and happy, who intimidate you not because you want them, but because you know that no matter how hard you try you'll never be good enough. There's your friends, who pay out your girlfriend blatantly in your face, not knowing that you are trying your very hardest to keep quiet and avoid an altercation.

 

It's not only in small group that people are easy to read. Some of your friends pretend they care, but clam up tight and ignore you when you try to help them. Some of them expect you to always be 100%, so you can deal with all their problems all the time. There might be an ex-girlfriend, who is still nice to you, but you both know behind the facade that it's because of you she turned to alcohol and had sex with all those guys, ensuring her depression and ruining her life. There might be people you don't know too well, but surprise you by going completely against the mould.

 

And then there's you yourself. What kind of person are you?

Emptiness

My head is empty. I have nothing to say. There aren't even the usual feelings that I can't put into words. There's just nothing.

 

It kinda sucks.

Just for once...

Just for once I wish I wasn't always the murder victim in people's dreams.

Just for once I wish I got what I wanted.

Just for once I wish I was spoilt.

Just for once I wish I could make the right decisions in my life.

Just for once I wish my puppy wasn't the only one happy to see me when I got home.

Just for once I wish I wasn't an outsider.

Just for once I wish I could have things that other people take for granted.

Just for once I wish I didn't have to deliberately lose all games and competitions to placate my siblings.

Just for once I wish I could be the person that everyone expects me to be.

Just for once I wish I was like I used to be - happy, without pessimism.

Just for once I wish I was as good at something as she is.

Just for once I wish that I didn't get classed as a geek.

Just for once I wish that nobody expects me to be smart - I'm not.

Just for once I wish I could get a better report than her.

Just for once I wish I could give my report or my school photos to my parents, and not have to leave them partially hidden somewhere when nobody's looking.

Just for once I wish I knew what I wanted.

Just for once I wish that I wasn't so timid.

Just for once I wish that I didn't get manipulated.

Just for once I wish I could be her other half and not feel insignificant.

Just for once I wish that wishes could be granted. 

Aggravation

People seem to believe that I'm a fairly calm person. There are not many things that annoy me. Spam is one of them.

 

因此，他妈的把我一个人离开。我不想看你的色情，所以要找到其他一些可怜的灵魂，以激怒，可能是一个谁不是采取和基督徒。找人绝望，而不是谁的人已经拥有一切，他们也更不能要求。迷路。我现在无法生气，所以我的博客独自离开。

 

P.S. Does anyone know how to report this?

How to convince a 6'4" ginger ninja that McDonald's is Spanish and was founded in the Middle Ages in just three easy steps:

1. Just tell him it is. He'll believe you.

2. Laugh about it later with any co-conspirators you may have.

3. Keep bringing it up to embarrass him. He'll deny it, but you know the truth.

Re: Me

Not all the time. And not to everyone.

Me.

Inadequate. Insignificant. Invisible.

 

順便說一下，停止發布廢話在我的博客和小便了。我不想看亞洲色情，我有一個女朋友，並不需要所有的垃圾得到踢像一些悲傷的人！因此，讓我們失去了體面的離開人啊！

The Life Game

Yesterday, I stumbled upon an idea for a game for bloggers to play, ironically while playing a game. I was playing Ferrari Challenge on PS3, and thought that I would be a much cooler person if I actually was a Ferrari race driver and not just some racing game geek =D.

 

But why stop at one game? Why not include all the games I've finished, and write a mock-wikipedia-biography thing? (Just a note for all you smart people who want to point out that it should be an autobiography because I'm writing it; who ever writes their own wikipedia page?

 

I thought this idea was kinda cool, even though you probably think I sound nerdy right now lol. But here I go (the games aren't in the order I've played/finished them, because it makes for a better story if they're mixed up):

 

Ben was born in England, and began his career playing for his local football (that's soccer to all you Australians and Americans) team, Bradford City. [FIFA 09] He left the team after a few seasons, and began racing tuned cars. He street raced illegally in a number of American cities, increasing in skill and reputation [NFS Underground, NFS Underground 2, NFS Carbon, Midnight Club 3, Midnight Club LA], until he became so notorious that the police issued a national warrant for his arrest, making him number one on their blacklist [NFS Most Wanted]. He escaped a national pursuit, and fled to Japan, where he began street racing again, but at legal events. [NFS ProStreet] This competition led him to Europe, and also back to America, where he raced under the alias of Ryan Cooper. From there, he drove in a series which converted street legal-cars into race-track ones, and won the championship in a Nissan GT-R racer. [NFS Shift]. He moved to Italy to join the factory-run Ferrari Challenge, and won all three championships, in Italy, Europe, and the USA respectively. With his prize money he bought a number of classic racing Ferraris, and entered them in other Ferrari Challenges throughout a number of seasons. [Ferrari Challenge Trofeo Pirelli] The Ferrari F1 Team then offered him a test driving seat, and from there he moved to McLaren F1, where he won the World Championship on his second attempt. [F1 2006] Two more followed in later years, and for the start of this season he has joined the new-coming team Lotus for a challege.

 

Or something like that lol. Nerdy hey? But if you like the idea, comment back with your video-game-cooler-than-life story. I can read your comments at least =D

Post hoc, ergo propter hoc

Feeling like an idiot now, for a number of reasons. Can't explain any of them properly, and nobody cares anyway. Even if they did, I'm not sure I want them to know.

 

When I returned to the blogosphere it was on the pretext of having interesting things occur to me that could only be said on a blog. I'm devoid of interesting things to say at the minute, and I have no idea why I'm blogging this. I'm sorry

How this is gonna work

After receiving my first emailed comment, I've just realised that I have no idea how to comment back. So maybe you could avoid asking me questions lol? At least I still get to read what you say :)

 

If I think of anything else to say later on, I'll be back

A Return (of sorts)

I'm back.

 

Sort of. I'm email blogging, and I have no idea how all this works, so be patient with me. If there's any of you left.

 

I realised today that there are some thoughts which appear in my head that I just can't say to people, no matter how intriguing they are. Blogs are the place to do that, I decided.

 

Port Adelaide is a strange place.

testing

testing. lauren is awesome!

---

With all the latest places, searching has never been easier. Looking for a new home?

The End.

My time has come. To finish a truly crappy day on Tuesday, my dad caught me using the internet without the proxy server. I won't go into details, but basically having the proxy server turned on enables all the internet filters we have which block me from accessing this site. They are now turned on permanently, which means I will not be able to blog from home anymore.

This is my final post, until I leave home I guess. I don't think things can get any worse than this. It sucks not being able to blog anymore, or read what you guys have to say, which is why I would appreciate it if you guys didn't comment back on any of my posts any more. I won't be able to reply, and that'll annoy me.

So yeah. Adios, mis amigos hermosos.

Mr. Idiot

Unlike miss schmartypants, I had a terrible day. I cried, I got a lousy report, got upstaged by my perfect girlfriend, managed to make both her and my mum hate me, spent half my day trying to make it up to my mum by doing other people's chores and being pleasant and just getting ignored or told off, and cut my hand after punching my wardrobe door after tea.

I can't even be properly miserable or pissed off cause I know that everyone else has bigger problems than me. Fuck it

Random fact #3

I cried today.

Rituals

Recently I have been partaking in certain teenage rituals, such as learning to drive a car. While I might still be the annoying backseat driver, I'm certainly learning a few things from Lauren's dad as he teaches her to drive.

And get this: she's really good. After half an hour on Saturday she could drive the automatic up and down the street and park it, and after an hour today she could drive the manual without stalling, change gear, and even manage something vaguely resembling a parking maneouvre =D. She hasn't even bunny-hopped yet. Not ONCE! She even managed to be so good and learn so quickly that she's thoroughly discouraged me from wanting to learn to drive, which is a good thing because then I won't be dead in a year's time. She just learns so quickly and effortlessly that I know I won't be able to match her, and that puts me off driving.

But I have never been more proud of her than I was this evening. She is incredible in every way, and I am utterly confused as to why someone so perfect should want to go out with a stupid, retarded idiot like me. I guess it's because she's so self-conscious and modest that she refuses to admit that she's perfect and therefore way out of my league.

But she is. She can drive really well, she's an awesome girlfriend in every way and I bet all the money I have that she'll get a better report than me come tomorrow.

She really is amazing. Her only flaw is her boyfriend.

Random fact #2

The Lamborghini tradition is to name all their cars after famous bulls from the arena. However, there are two (maybe more) exceptions - the Murcielago and the Countach. While the Murcielago is named after a bull that survived 27 sword strokes before the matador let it live, it is also the Spanish word for bat. The Countach was so named when the company's boss saw the sketches his designers had come up with, and said something rude, often used to appreciate a beautiful woman. The name stuck. Lol

Love is...

Love is forgiveness and understanding.

Random fact #1

I'm an asshole. And I'm sorry.

A beacon of light in this twilight darkness

To the guy on "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" last night,

You are my hero. Any body who is faced with the question "What is the name of the wildly popular heartthrob from Twilight?" and doesn't know the answer has definitely got their head on straight.

Smart guy.

Pure Maths D

Is over. I had the exam this morning. The worst part was, I turned up at quarter to nine in my red England away shirt, and three quarter pants. Everyone else was wearing school uniform.

FUCK.

I got a grilling for that one from Mrs. Webster, whom I now hate severely. Apparently I was told "quite clearly" that I had to wear uniform to exams yesterday morning. All well and good, but I WASN'T THERE YESTERDAY MORNING! Unlike everybody else in year 11, I did year 12 English, and so I did not have to be at school yesterday for the year 11 English exam.

My not knowing of this slightly important fact was apparently my own fault for not going to school yesterday. FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Why would I be at school for an exam I do not need to sit, so I can hear a message that I did not know was going to be delivered, all so I could turn up to an actual exam in the right items of clothing?! Sometimes the craziness and stupidity of school ife makes me want to eat small children. Honestly.

I didn't even pass my exam.

Ten reasons why I am not the average teenage guy

10. I enjoy shopping with my mum
9. I do not eat very much
8. I have manners
7. I love chick flicks, and I hate violence
6. I have never watched porn
5. My bedroom is neat and tidy
4. My bedroom is full of LEGO models. Geeky much?
3. I do not want a car or driving licence until I'm older and more responsible
2. I have a fashion sense
1. One of the things that makes me happiest is when she buys new clothes

The score so far:

6 - 0

At the End of the Day

Today has been the day of weirdness.
In particular, weird conversations.

In double Physics, I defibulated Tim a lot, and talked to Jesse, who hasn't been at school for forever. Normal enough so far I guess.

In double Supervised I went to the library, and had the most mind-numbing and agonisingly long conversation possible. I was sitting between Arian and Abbey Wachtel or however you spell her name. God...

Then it was on to Maths, where I talked to the English kids, and then got told off by Mr. Akele for wagging supervised.

Then I went back to the library, where Mr Moyle told me that wagging supervised was okay. And then she came to see me quickly, looking sexy as =D

It seems less strange in writing, but it was a weird day. Somehow I even managed to get all my work done.

On another note, has anyone actually tried hitting the "Next blog" button on the dashboard at the top of the screen? Some of the blogs you can visit are just plain weird. Seriously, try it...