I am caught in two minds. I am on second base, neither here nor there, on the fence, at the junction not knowing which way to go.
They say they want the best for me, but so far nothing has come of it. Sure, I'm well off, but emotionally I'm not stable and they cannot recognize the double edge of their words. For those of you doing Classical Studies or English, their words are the epitome of dramatic irony.
My brother today was telling me about a girl in his class who is state skipping champion. When I made a witty comment about her talent and prowess compared to other children her age (commenting on how they all sit around watching tv like my brother), he asked me in a sour tone what I was state champion of. He hit the nail on the head, and I was the nail. What was I the state champion of?
The answer that came to me was not surprising. It could be based on one of two things - that I'm cynical and emotional, or that my family really were inflicting emotional damage on me. My answer, you ask? I am the state champion of being ignored, being used, and being put down. If there was a song to describe me, it would be either Alan Parson's "Let's talk about me for a minute", or Ritchie Blackmore's "Mistreated", although in this life it's not my lover who's let me down, but my family.
But all this reaches a point. All of a sudden, a new factor has been introduced. My parents, in an effort to motivate me to work harder this year, have basically offered me a bribe. I know it's just sucking me in, but it's a good offer, and now I'm stuck on what to do. Do I do what they want because it benefits me? Or do I keep plodding along, the Walkman pack mule amongst smarter, cleverer, iRacehorses, out of spite?
I already know the answer. But it's not one I'm happy about. This is all gonna mess me up even more.
Trying to please my family is, in Josh Wilson's words, "like trying to fit the ocean in a cup."
Hmmm, I must say that I love your walkman/iPod metaphor. Very clever, and well done.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I don't really know what to say...
But you are champion at being you. This might not be at all helpful, but I think its something to be proud of. The way God made you, the cool (by which I mean awesomely geeky :P) way you think, your intelligence, kindness, patience. I could go on. And Lauren could go on forever lol.
I don't know that this will help you feel any better but I hope you do, regardless of this.
<3gliTter
i'd say something real awesome ben but as we learnt in classics, i cant word anything right. but who needs to be a state champion to matter... from what i know none of my friends are state champions at ANYTHING. but they seem happy enough and they're damn good at being my friends and yours eh? :D plus little brothers are silly. they really dont know anything. even if my brother is proven to be smarter than me... your isn't and you are much more witty than the silly little child. :D love you ben. i prefer that you be you than a state champion of anything. the ego could go to your head like with oedipus (thanks for the quote) xx
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